I have come to love another country, that which was not mine, is truly mine
I have come to lose what I love and love what I lost
You should never go back to what you left, people say
You should always move forwards
Are we not moving all the time though?
Backwards, forwards, upwards, downwards, sideways, diagonally, round and round, in a spiral we are trying to grasp, or not, called life? Is it not just to be lived?
It should not feel like punishment, a heartstring mother of all told me.
Sacred Fierceness, she is.
It does. This feels like punishment.
So leave, my love, leave. Touch down to bounce up.
Her whiskers touch my hand. She eats gently out of the palm of my hand. Young one. Brave one. Gentle and so powerful.
Looking back , I see how I had no understanding in that younger mind of mine of how this four footer could have chosen me, could have loved me so dearly from day one. To me it had seemed so clear back then that I had just taken too much hay on my fork – as usual – by inviting this little ball of fierce energy in to my life and now I had to deal with it.
Being here with her now I wonder if it is not she who took too much hay on her fork by coming in to my life.
My Angel.
The drums of nature are calling. My angel is speaking. She speaks through the curiousness of her eyes. Through eternal listening. Through her constant invitation of pure awareness and boundless peace.
I am still learning her language. Or unlearning the old language, as she calls it.
Her language is in her ways.
“Learn my ways and you will learn new things”. The first sentence she ever spoke to me.
The light is bright. The candle flickers higher than what should be possible. Its spark illuminates the night.
“That little light, that little spark, hold on to that”, she motions with her paw.
“Watch it grow, watch it flicker, watch it sparkle, let it take over, let it burn down all that which is overgrown and overbearing, carry it with you in the night, hold it in your heart, see it in your mind, know that the only focus you need is that light, that one light, that one flickering luminous flame.”
“The flame that so many are afraid of shall be hidden no more. It is burning and it will only burn stronger and stronger the coming years, decades and centuries.”
“ Those who hide their flames will be choked by their own smoke. Literally. It is already happening. Dim your light and you feel the inner claustrophobia creeping in. Shut the door of your soul and you fall ill. Soul ill. You feel betrayed. Trapped. You look outside for the reasons. You trace your days, years, decades, centuries back for explanations. You want to understand.”
“There is nothing to be understood. There is a hatch to be opened. A door to be blown wide open by a storm so fierce that the magma of Vattnajökull diminishes in comparison. All you are to do is to hand over the key. Hand it back to the soul. Be bold! You cannot hold back what is meant to be. What already is. Open! Stand! Be bold!”
The Queen of Light has arrived. She is the priestess of deep love and true connection. She explains in all her beingness that the road to deep love and true connection can be both simple and complicated. That it is never one of the two. That it is a flow, a braid of the simplicity mixed with complexities. It is a practice she says.
“Three roads lead to heaven, an endless number of roads lead to hell”, the voice at the top of the mountain holding her presence explains. “Let me just clear the largest misunderstanding first before I go on”.
The voice moves closer. Clears its throat, or at least that’s what it sounds like to human ears. The open fire crackles and climbs higher towards The Milky Way as if it is responding with its burning light to the gently powerful light emanating from the mountain.
“The word “hell”. It is not a place. It is not someplace evil. It is a state of mind. We all live, breathe and exist in a state of mind. The rest is just props, like in a theatre. And so is heaven. A state of mind.”
“Let us get back to the word “hell”. It derives from the same root as the words whole, heal and even holy. Listen to so many of your Nordic languages – “hel”, “hela”, “helig”, “holy”, “whole”, “heel”, “helen”, “heal”, I can go on and on and on. So know that when you are in the state of mind of “hell” you are on the road to all of that. To wholeness. You are healing. Sometimes it seems you humans just have to go through a lot of that to get to the roads to “heaven”. “
“This is where the power of choice comes in again. When you recognize that you are in the state of mind of “hell”, you can choose to take a step on a different road. Just one little step will make a huge difference. Every part of every braid has been created in small steps . Every river has etched itself into the earth in small molecular steps, mixed with floods.”
The fire starts dancing, only to seconds later settle down in a beautiful golden glow.
“The three roads to heaven are Peace, Love and Understanding. From all sides of the multifacetted diamond. From inside and outside. When you find yourself in a precarious place, reach within, start with creating peace from within for yourself, send yourself love. From there search for understanding. When the glimpse of understanding is there Love with a capital L opens up.”
” Of course there is no wrong or right way to approach this. You can start with Love, you can start with Understanding, you can start with Peace, you can choose to pick just one and always stick with that one. They are all One. One cannot exist without the other.”
A soft piano tune starts dancing its way out of the mountain in to the cold winter night.
“”Everyone heals in their own way”, remember?”, the voice whispers in everyones soul simultaneously.
and falls so hard it leaves no mercy of breath at all.
We fall and we climb and we fall and we climb. Feeling numb from pain and shock . Looking up, feeling in awe of the stars above and the strength in our legs.
Dread and heartache, hand in hand with awe and an explosion of love for self.
“Get up before dawn. Let the dawn choose you. Walk. Just walk and see what is. It works. It truly works.”
The whispers are not from outside of you, they come from inside. The one who knows lives there. Always has, always will.
“Move with your Hara. Hara holds the heart. Hara holds expansion. Hara holds holding itself. Try it out. Play with it. You might even walk with Hara at dawn.”
14:14
Author: Cecilia Götherström / Pejuta Wakinyazi, inspired after a deep conversation with a very dear friend 15/12 2023
Speak love in to being, the starlings are back. Rime and frozen windows, magic is here to stay.
Wanting to do more than you can might be seen as virtue. It can also kill your spirit. Not seeing what you are doing, while only seeing what you percieve to inherently lack, that is not what this thing you call life is about.
Speak love in to being. With every word you create. Don’t bash. Re-create.
See the wonder in her eyes. Let her love you, by loving her back in all the same ways she loves you. All of you. Also the impatient, wounded parts. She sees them, tilts her head, tries to understand them. It might be out of her world and being, but she does. She does understand them. And she loves you. All of you.
Your paws are fully grown. You are everything and nothing like your sisters at all.
What seems to me like a moment on the road to somewhere is for you an eternity of ever newness in one long moment which never passes.
Her soulfulness and joyful presence always pushes right in to my being. I do not know how to not live with her. Where she ends and I begin has dissolved.
Maybe there was never a boundary in the first place.
That little fierce puppiness which shook me awake, took hold of not just socks and toilet paper rolls but of lives, of relationships, of the senses where the inner beings meet. That.
“When you focus on separateness, that is what you get”, she says with all her being. “When you listen to the play of movement, that is what you live with”.
“The agenda might be full, but the heart cup is being filled through other means. When you put that one on top of the list watch what happens. Listen inwards. Then observe.”
The guidance from within seems to overflow as we are entering this time of guided light. Enveloped by the dark wintery skies, displaying its dance of Aurora Borealis more and more often, the Star in the Heart sparkling ever brighter, as the milky way pathway lights up, Orion, Ursa Major and many more pulsate with their brightness. This is how we enter in to the arms of the one Mother, the one Father, being held.
December.
December paws. Touching snow. Touching a promise.
Touch.
Touching the infinite being.
Through the heart.
“How do you touch through the heart?”, I hear a giggling whisper. “That is the practice. That is the exploration”.
She is teaching me
how
to love again,
how to
thaw
that coldness,
how to
trust,
through gentleness,
not forcing
She is teaching me
that
hail
is just frozen water,
that
Christmas
is in your heart,
not in a tree,
or in snow
on the ground
She is teaching me
that you can,
you should
love,
even when
your heart
seems
to be breaking
She is teaching me
to listen,
to listen,
to listen
especially when
you don’t want to
She is teaching me
about lineage,
connection,
unbroken threads
of life
weaving unbound
in to
each other
She is teaching me
about
Starlight,
remembering
gingerbread songs
in honour of the two of us
being
always
left
unbroken
She is teaching me
to be
here,
now,
in the storm,
in the power,
in the stillness
She is teaching me
her
ways
And I
I
get
to learn
Starlight
- Trinity
Cecilia Götherström, Kringlans AdventsKalender 2022
She called in the Angels. She called in Source Light. Realizing that you call in what already exists within you, that which if you don’t voice and sound it , the powers, the source, the light cannot act. They can only shine. And if you are blind to their light you cannot receive the reflection of that light in your heart. In your star.
The angels said “Let us hold you, let us bow over you, lift you from underneath, surround you, love you, hold you. All you need to do is ask. Ask and surrender.”
“I surrender”. She folded forwards in a bow, a prayer, like a feather flowing to the ground, lightly resting there. “No more fighting. No more. I am done. Done fighting. Done resisting. Done.”
“You are that which you Are”, the angels sang. “ A part of Source Light. Nothing else. The rest is just a coat. A coat of many colours.”
She saw a diamond. A diamond with all its facets. The light shone through. It touched the inside. The inside reflected back. The outside reflected the inside back.
“Where the light comes from is not important. When you feel encumbered by shadow, sit in that light,” the Northern Lights swooshed their song her way. Diamonds and crystals of white, green and purple faceting their way through the skies.
The angels widened their circles. Their light became one with the beaming sky in the darkness.
“Without darkness, no fluorescence. In this dark season all can be folded in, embraced, loved, let go of where needed. Life is one big inhale and exhale. Life is one big expansion and contraction. Its energy is light. Its outcome is light. The deeper the winter dark, the stronger the magic, the stronger the light.”
She exhaled. She sighed. Gave herself to the earth. Done.
A wet little nose against hers. A puppy tongue licking her face, sharp little teeth testing the boundaries on her nose. Love.
How to love some-one,
How to love some-thing
How to
How can we
when
the world is whirling around us
and we whirl with
it
How to love some-one
We stop.
We stare.
The stare becomes looking
The looking becomes watching
Watching with gentler, widening eyes
Watching with nostrils wide
open
Watching with inner ears
listening
Listening from the soul
It just happens
When we
stop.
Right there, then,
in the stopping
we see the eternal moving
dripping its life essence
into the blood of our breath
Right there,
right in front of us,
above,
below,
in the middle,
to all sides
Love,
as a gentle breeze
and a powerful force,
moving
moving in the stillness
the stillness of our being
There it is.
Love.
Adventure.
Stillness.
Love, adventure, stillness.
We know it not by name,
We know it by knowing
- Cecilia Götherström, Sep 12th 2022
Like a mild summer
rain,
a waterfall of
love,
drizzling down my cheeks
Your absence and
your presence
touch me every
morning
Alone in the heart,
immersed in the everything-
ness of your being
You are there,
I am here
Yet we are
everywhere
- Cecilia Götherström, July 7th 2022
FlowerOfTheThunderAndLightning 