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Dec 20th, The Promise, Part 20

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“Melvinia, come walk with me.” White called me from a distance.

I’d been following a trail of nothingness. Loving the quiet, the soft stacking of the falling snow. Listening to the wind caressing the pines. Inhaling cool, crisp winter air. Following the scent of promise. In the outskirts of the moving pack, somehow intimidated by the inner wolfness I was feeling. The sense of freedom, belonging, power, knowing, of this being my home was so strong I just did not know what to do with it.

“That’s it”, White filled in as she of course was in my mind just like I was in the mind of the whole pack. “You don’t have to do anything with it. You already are it. So, that is what you do. You just are it. Power, freedom, knowing. Always held, always connected, by us, with us, by and with the everything-ness that sometimes feels like nothingness. Space. Space. Space. Freedom to move in that space. To be in that space.”

She stopped.

“Can you see behind us? The gentle tracks we’d all left being snowed away as we take it all in. Look in front of you. No tracks. We leave traces in the past. Some might follow them. We cannot count for their intention, be they in awe or hunters. We can be all that we are in the here and now. In this space. As we are moving through this vastness of woodlands, mountains, waterways, we are freedom. This vastness is in your heart-diamond. You need to care for both.”

She looked me deep in the eyes and continued as the falling snow was getting denser.

“You made a promise once, down at the lake. To heed the call of the wild. To never let this mountainous vastness disappear. Because you are it. We are it. None of us are separate from this – you least of all dear child. By caring for, listening to, howling with the diamond in your heart you are fulfilling that promise. There is no turning back now. You know that. I know that. We are all carrying our heart-diamonds, our promises, through the gateway tomorrow at the full moon. Our song will transform any leftover fragments of fears not removed by Bear Medicine. Our anthem will convert what is left in to gold and amber. To the light which will shine from the New Sun revolving with the New Earth.”

My love. My heart. My soul. My White.

Her words spoke space in my chest, in my throat. Space filling with the song of the Earth coming out from underneath my paws, vibrating through all of us, filling us with the tunes of the Everythingness.

Where was Fox?

– Cecilia Götherström, dec 20th 2018

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Dec 18th / The Promise / Day 18

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“The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you”.

The Rumi poem whispered through my mind as I walked out of the cabin to put the first bowl of breakfast porridge at the stable for the Nisse.

“Don’t go back to sleep”. White quoted further, smiling the way only wolves can.

“You must ask for what you really want”. Raven picked up on the next phrase.

“How do you know what you really want?” I asked them both while watching the three cubs snoring away in a pile of softness against Fox’s belly just inside the doorsill of the wide open cabin door.

“The diamond knows”, White almost sang with her fantastic morning-howl-voice. “That diamond in your heart knows. It takes some practice to tune in and listen to it. Then it takes even more practice to howl along with it. This is why all ancient peoples sing the mountains, the forests, the waters, the sky, the souls of all beings, the beingness itself. That is how you weave in to the essence.”

“For now though”, Raven interrupted, “I think it might be a good idea to just ask to find out what it is you really want.”

So clever that Raven!

“Just remember “don’t go back to sleep””, White twinkled.

Lethargic.

A feeling of heaviness had spread in my limbs. It was like the heavy dimension did its best to hold on to you just before you were about to put your foot on the other side of the threshold.

Then I heard something from the inside the cottage. It sounded like electrical wires getting short-circtuited. Which was impossible as there was no electricity here. We had cooked breakfast on the woodburning stove and candles gave us light.

When I entered the kitchen-bedroom-all-in-one-space I saw more than I heard the activity coming from the velvet pouch holding Fire & Ice, set in the centre of the small table. Sparks were flying through the pouch. The table was shaking.

I put my hands on the table. It stopped moving. I removed the velvet pouch. The crystal was glowing from within, beaming with a silver and gold light so strong it outshone the moon still set high in the morning sky outside. Little rays of crystaldust moving outwards from its core, each telling a different story. I could see magic spirit bears with beaded crowns, white wolves, the Silver Alves, the Cold Trolls, a whole tribe of the Nisse, horses, foxes, all walking across the beams out the door and materializing in their full, natural size out there among the trees.

– Cecilia Götherström, Dec 18th 2018

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Dec 17th / The Promise, Part 17

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Silence. This silence. Nothing. There is basically nothing to hear. Until you listen.

Wings of birds moving from twig to twig. The gripping of their claws as they change branches for the sake of…. I don’t know.

“Wouuufff!” A tiny little bark coming from in between the pinetrees. Two little white cubs and one reddish are rolling out from underneath the brush, peeking towards me, their eyes gleaming. The fluffiest one seems to be the leader. She comes closer, puts her paw on my ankle where I sit, cross legged in the snow surrounded by pinecones and moonstones.

“That’s the problem dear human spirit,” she says. “The “for the sake of”. With that still in your system your kind will always be blocked, if even just a little for some of you. How can you ignite your soul-spark for the New Earth if there needs to be a reason for everything? Reason lives in the head. The New Earth lives in the heart.”

The other two pups came closer.

“And the easiest way to get there is through…. Plaaaaay!” they howled in unison as they grabbed one of my lovikavantar, dashing off in between the trees.

They had me run after them, roll down snowy hills together, dig down under the pinetrees, throw snowballs and pinecones for them to catch, run around the skirts of the trees, roaring with laughter as we all were trying to catch our breath. After some time we all crashed in a pile in a glade between the trees overlooking the banks of the watercourse further down.

There we sat again. Content. Just listening to the falling of the snow. Large, soft snowflakes floating to the ground. Fluffiness spreading all around us.

“Look. Look into the snow. Into the crystals”, the little reddish cub whispes , soaking me in her yellow eyes.

The more I focus on just watching the snowflakes effortlessly falling through the air, the clearer everything feels. Between the beautiful, ornate parts of the crystals there is space. Space filled with music of the softest, gentlest harp. I can see the snow fairies weaving the flakes through filling the space with their enchanted music. Deep within every part, every little mosaic piece which fabricates the snowflake, a little glittery heart beating. Every time the heart beats silvery dust spreads with a puff.

“Everything breathes. Everything has a heart. Everything emanates from love. Seeing it opens you to feeling it. And it works the other way around too. When you feel it, you need to open your eyes wide to see what it is you really feel. Go with the expansion. Let go of all you know. Take in what is flowing your way.” Fox sighs as she places herself next to us in the snow.

The sound of White´s paws heading our way.

– Cecilia Götherström, Dec 17th 2018

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Dec 16th, The Promise, Part 16

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Whirling, twirling, swirling we were. Higher than the Milky Way, inside the Milky Way, below, beyond, back in again, above. Unceasinlgy. Fairy gold, silver dust, strong emerald green dragonbreath, pink shine, pitch black forces. Crowns, flowers and crystals spinning around, through our energyfield. It was impossible to distinguish which was you and whichever was everything else. How long we journeyed like that, I don’t know.

It was time to put the pen down and write a new book, that’s all both White and Ancient Wizard had said once the Hologram Bears had instructed us in how to step – not jump – in to Ursa Major , guided by Owl and the three ravens.

Fire & Ice was glowing through the velvet pouch I still kept her in. The swiveling dance of cosmos and star-dust seemed to settle. The bears set us down on a moss covered hill, adorned with one huge tree. As we walked towards the tree we saw that it was actually three trees intertwined, grown in to one large, wide, sturdy mass of life, wisdom and power.

The North Star glowed high up in the dark sky, revealing to us that Morning Star was hours from arriving.

The bears bid their farewell, hologrammed themselves back in to the blue of the night.

I felt bewildered. Old. Ancient. And at the same time I felt like a young child, a cub.

The colour of her eyes had changed. White now had deep, wide dark brown eyes. Wells of wisdom with a glowing spark of cheeky wolfpup shining through.

“This is it my dear,” she spoke. “Look behind you.”

White Wizard and Ancient Wizard stood there, chatting and laughing, the sparks of magic flying off them as they gestured with their hands and the wind swirled their hair.

“Look in front of you”.

The North Star. Glowing stronger then I’d ever seen her.

“Diamond in the sky. Diamond in the heart. Fire & Ice in the pocket, not a bad beginning.” Grey the gangly smiled the warmest, widest wolf beam I’ve ever seen. And the past weeks I’d seen many of his delighted grins.

He sat down, motioned me to join. I sat down. There. With the wizards, the wolves, Fox, Owl, the ravens, the trees and the stars.

“What is “it” White?” I asked her.

“The ancient wisdom”, she replied.“ The ancient wisdom, dear child of mine. It is travelling in our DNA now. From the Upper Glaciers frozen waters, through the celestial worlds of the EarthKeeping Bears, to us. We now are to take it through the portal, in to the New Earth. The thing is though that New Earth is not a place, nor a destination. It is who we are. It is who we are becoming. It is already there. The only step left is how to ignite it”

“Can’t we just rest first?” I heard myself ask her. “I mean, we just journeyed through the whole freaking galaxy, to the beginning of times, through the weaves and back including just landing here.”

“Coffee anyone?” Raven croaked.

Did I already mention how much I love Raven?

– Cecilia Götherström, Dec 16th 2018

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Dec 15th, The Promise, Part 15

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He touched down in front of us. The snow made little sweeping crystal clouds as he placed his staff on the glacier floor.

”Holy schmooly Ravensh….t”, Raven was jumping up and down, waving her wings. ” I know Christmas time is family time but I never expected this!”

Wizard stepped up to greet him.
”Brother dear, so merry to see you! No way would I take this journey without you!”

If White Wizards beard was white this guy´s beard was superdupermegaextra white. And looooooong. He looked pretty scruffy at first glance. You could see he travelled far and often, taking care of himself but not his clothes. There was something very, very warm and intense about him. Grandfatherly but larger, stronger. Like he was Grandpa to all of us.

He reached out his hand towards White. She soared over the frozen snow to greet him. He kneeled down to hug her.
”White, my heart, my soul, my dearest one in the whole wide gårds of all, how precious to see you again.”
White curled her head against his chest, dug her nose in under his arm. The giant white wolf becoming absorbed in his being, in his energy.
I thought to myself ” ”My heart, my soul”, that is what I usually call White. How can this possible?”

The two ravens tagging along with the ancient wizard came over to see me.

”It is because he has been calling you”, the first one croaked. ”For years and years.
”It is because we are all connected”, the second one filled in. ”just like the trees told you, like White´s always been saying, like Fox has told, like anyone and everyone else right here right now of this clan knows. He is one of the stringbinders weaving us together. Silver are his strings, gold are hers and White walks between the two.”

The Cold Mountain Trolls and The Higher Silver Alves had shown us the golden braids Mother Earth spun for all her children. The starry sky was covered with the silver weaves of Father Sky they had pointed out. The trees connected, they had told. White walks in beauty, keeping it all concious, they had explained.

So was this Father Sky? Was this… AllFather? Odin?

”Oh dear” the ancient one laughed. ”Time to once and for all cross out these pages in all these books. Yes, Odin is the name I go by. No, AllFather I am not. I am the travelling one, the knowing one, the wizard. Some call me the shaman. The noadi. I am the one speaking the same language as all the worlds in one tongue – sky, earth, fourleggeds, swimmers, winged ones, spirit people, folks in between the energies, the energies themselves. I am the ancient magic Wizard here for All. There is no Pantheon, there is no hierarchy. There is just this. Us. All. Father. Mother. Brother. Sister. Son. Daughter. Friend. I am.”

Cecilia Götherström, 15 December 2018

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Dec 14th, The Promise, Part 14

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Underneath the star covered sky we stared in to the darkness. The darkness intensified by the glowing stars, the light intensified by the darkness.

Orion had begun his walk across the heavens, followed by his canines. Ursa Major was climbing gently upwards.

Our whole intervowen clan was gathered. All of us who had journeyed together to this point together with all of those who had welcomed us in to the mountain, to the Upper Glacier, right here at the top of the icy crown.

As we looked up towards the sparkling sky something started moving. Out of Ursa Major, the body of a large bear started taking shape. She floated out of the star cluster like a hologram, drifting closer. Followed by another bear, and another, and another. Mother Bear. Father Bear. Little Bear. Grandfather Bear.

”Gentle beings”, Mother Bear spoke. ”You are about to receive The Medicine of the Bear. The Medicine of the the one walking long distances, of the one with swimming powers, of the one with the paws connected deep into the roots of the earth while living in the celestial legends. The Medicine of the one who masters the powers of fight, rest, sleep and awakening, of playing and teaching. The strongest Medicine in the universe as you know it now. It will lead you in to, and be your constant companion in, the universe you are about to become. Welcome.”

A falling star.

Father Bear inhaled, icy smoke coming out of his jaws as he looked us all in the eyes one by one. ” You know the eyes are the doors to the soul. But did you know the heart is the portal ? You can only receive the Medicine of the one you are about to become through unlocking the doors first. The doors open the portal. Yet the doors and the portal are not separate from each other. Once the eyes are truly unlocked the force opening the heart is directed with a power as strong as the sword of Merlin.”

Little Bear moved closer. Curled up in between Mother Bear and Father Bear.

Gazing up towards Ursa Major I saw more hologram bears pouring out – Brown Bear, Red Bear, Spirit Bear, Polar Bear, Raccoon, Black Bear, many, many more. They all carried the same eyes, moving in their own flows.

The Samoyeds started their drumming. The wolves and huskies tuned in with their howling. Both drumming and howling coming from deep below, inside the mountain, inside the heart of this very glacier-carrying granite and moonstone giant.

Something else moved across the sky, as if riding on The Milky Way.

– Cecilia Götherström, Dec 14th 2018

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Dec 13th/ The Promise, Part 13

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The soft, soft snoring of Fox – inhale, exhale, inspire, expire, wssssss, wsssss – gently woke me up. It wasn´t as much Silent Night, Holy Night as it was Holy Morning. December 13th.

The whole crew was still sleeping.

I lightly curled my fingertips in to Fox´s soft bellyfur, softly brushing her ribcage – her favourite form of bellyrub. Yellow eyes woke up, looked into my soul.
”Let´s go outside”, I whispered. ”Let´s witness the rising of the morning star.”

In one go Fox did a 180 in the air, went from lying on her back to standing on all four paws in a split second, yawned, stretched out. We tiptoed and tippawed towards the opening of this huge ballrom inside the mountain.

The stars were high in the sky, the milkyway at the height of our eyes .

The snow creaked under my feet. Fox`s paws made no sound at all.
”That´s why you people so often stay in 3rd dimension, ” Fox laughed. ”Because you walk so heavy!” She rolled around in the snow, laughing at her own joke till she almost choked.

”Waaaaaah, how I love this bundle of joy, my own little gingerbiscuit, my pepparkaka! ” I yelled out to the universe, laughing along with her.

We rounded the fourth granite giant, heading up the steep part of the glacier. I found myself on hands and feet at times when it got really close to vertical.

Up there the horizon opened up. Covered with distant mountaintops, dark treelines, blistered with millions, billions, trillions of stars glowing like heartdiamonds unobtruded. The morning star, Venus, the brightest, slight pinkish-yellow light waking up as the morning started breaking through.

”I have something for you, ” Fox said. She started digging in the snow, jumping up and down at times to speed the burrowing up. Then she stopped. ”Look!”
I peeked down in to the hole. A black velvet pouch. I laid down on my belly to reach down for it.

”Let me!” Fox nudged me with her nose. She climbed down in what actually looked like it could be her winter den, came back up with the pouch in her jaws, put it down in front of me.

As the sun started rising in the sky I opened the velvety package. My eyes froze as I saw the most exquisite, multifacetted, alivelooking, full of attitude and gentleness rainbow quartz ever.
”It is called ”Fire and Ice”. It holds your promise”, Fox gleamed.

Sankta Lucia, ljusklara hägring.

My heart woke up.

– Cecilia Götherström, 13 December, Lucia, 2018

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Dec 12th, The Promise, Part 12

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The wind seemed to come at us from all sides. No matter where you turned it hit you in the face, in the back, made you fall to the side. It was so strong we´d had to tie ourselves to the sleds. It felt like ice whipping your face every time a gust picked up. Still it felt somewhat normal, like exactly what you´d expect at a place like this called The Upper Glacier.

Wizard waved at us to turn a bit more left, towards the rocks we could barely see through the blizzard.

Poor little Jake was so small that any sudden shift in wind would wipe him all the way back down to the lake, so he´d been tucked in deep under blankets and cushions in a soft cave of his own. In my mind I could hear him really curious about where we were, what we saw, how it felt, when we´d get there and on and on and on.

Owl and Raven sat on the handles of the sled.

As soon as we turned in direction of the rocks the wind seemed to die down a bit. We were protected by the reclining glacier and those four beautiful giants of granite.

”Holy moly not so holy night”. Hawk came to life, shaking his head and wings. He´d been travelling on Wizard´s sled. ”What a whooping welcome by the glacier! I guess we ain´t climbing any tops to skip through Ursa Major tonight then!”

”You never know, you never know, you just know when you know which is why you never need to guess”, Raven croaked his way.

Right then and there the wind seemed to cease whining and started singing instead. Gently, puffing almost. The sound of a crackling log fire, of violins coming out of a crevasse in between the granite giants. A flute.  The tunes of ”What Child Is This” was welcoming us. A guitar added to the chorus. Wow.

We tied up the sleds and moved towards the music, all of us. Huskies, Samoyeds, Shibas, Wolves, Raven, Hawk, Fox, Owl, Jake, Wizard and myself.

The light from the open fire and candles shone through the opening. In there the Cold Mountain Trolls, The Higher Silver Alves had prepared a feast. Long wodden and stone tables, plenty of bowls for the fourleggeds, high branches for the winged ones, silver blankets for all travellers. What a welcome!

  • Cecilia Götherström, December 12th 2018
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Dec 10th / The Promise, Part 10

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”Melvinia. Melviniaaaa. Wake uuuuup”, a soft voice was whispering me out of sleep. I openend one eye. Fox was there, next to Jake the yellow necked mouse.

”The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don´t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don´t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don´t go back to sleep.”
 

”Reciting Rumi as a wakeup call are we?”

They both smiled and nodded vigourously at me as Raven flew in through the opening.

”Awake are we? Pardon the pun!” he croaklaughed so hard he had to make a frontflip not to fall flat on the ground.

I sat up. The smell of coffee and scones cooked over open fire flowed through the door of the kåta, blendend with the scent of a very cold, crisp morning. Yes!!!

The morning sun was working it´s rays across the crusty snow, shining through in on floor clad in pine twigs.

I got out of the sleeping bag, pulled the anorak over my head, got my arctic pants on, laced up my näbbstövlar, popped my head out and took in the fresh air with the longest inhale ever.

Wizard and Grey were immersed a deep conversation regarding the aligment of the stars in December of 1088 as the coffee was boling over on the fire .

”GoodmornigStar Gentlemen”. I could not help myself.

”Top of the morning to you”, Wizard replied faster than a smash from the net during Wimbledon finals. Grey stretched out and yawned.

As I sat there with White Wizard and Grey Wolf, Raven, Fox and Jake, watching the morning star rising as one with the slow moving sun just above the treeline I felt what I can only describe as pure, true joy from inside for the first time in a long, long time.

”You might think that circumstances and the place where you are right now is what makes you feel like this dear child.” Whites voice came not through my mind this time but from behind me. Tears of joy froze instantly on my cheeks as I met her gaze from the pile of snow she´d built . ”It is not. You made a choice. You let go of what was not yours to hold. Of what had been piled on you. Of the conditioning of ”this and that is your duty”. Through that you made a choice to walk through the round open door every time you feel yourself falling. You made an active choice to be happy my child. You did.”

 

  • Cecilia Götherström, Dec 10th 2018

 

 

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Dec 9th/ The Promise, Part 9

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Just a few seconds feel like a long time. Yet time does so not exist here.
I am about to observe what happened lifetimes ago. Nevertheless when I am there it feels like yesterday. For some reason it feels like I already know what I am about to understand.

The village is encircled by rolling lush hillsides and mountaintops capped with summer frost. This is his people.

We met picking poppies in the fields. He just back from the last war. Me leaving the sacred grasses of the lowlands behind. Leaving my people behind. The people of the winds, the seas the hearts and the storms.

Among the mountains I found peace. Wisdom. We lived according to the ancient samurai code, ordained from the times before the emperors. What was to later be called The Tao guided us. We all flowed with it. The entire village. From the outside it might have looked like a hard life up there in the mountains. From the inside we bloomed, the mountain bloomed, all was sacred.

Ambush.

One day he travelled with four of the sons of the village to meet with the people down the river, the Fisherfolks. The five of them never arrived. The five of them never came back. At least not on horseback.

At the time of the funeral pyre it seemed natural to the whole village that ”the she” should suceed as our lives, our practice, our guidance had intertwined and interwoven like one. The Tao told to handle every big matter like it was small, every small matter like it was big. I accepted.

My practice thrived. The village thrived. The children thrived. Yet inside there was a hole growing deeper and stronger. I knew we would meet again, so it was not his energy I was missing. I knew next time I would be the teacher, he needing me.

That day in the poppy field I had made a promise to myself, to fill my true purpose with all my heart and soul. I was there holding ceremony. No matter how much peace, joy and fulfillment the deviation of path right now was gifting to the world around me, this was not the path. It had been the best school ever. I had even more to dive into. I was filled to the brim with gratefulness, but it was time to leave.

How does one leave four young children and a whole village? One doesn´t.

I hear wolves howling. A crying howl , looking for a missing wolfpup. It touches the soul of my bones. I know I have to and that I can let go now. Let go of a promise not mine still and all fulfilled in the Land of The Dragon. Meet The Promise to fulfill in my soul, the cry in the wild.

Arigatou gozaimashita

  • Cecilia Götherström, Dec 9th 2018